Battle!

I've had this Scantron wallet for a while.

I bought it in a boutique in Chicago, called Penelope's, a couple of years ago. It has served me well and is still in great shape. It's a conversation starter. People seem to like to reminisce about their old school days and test-taking.

Not too long ago, my friend Bumper Bowl told me about The Sneeze. It's one of those blogs that I'd read a bunch of entries from. They'd been linked on one of my daily blog checks or Digg or something but I'd never explored the rest of the blog until recently. (If you're a first timer, might I recommend "How To Draw a Face"?) From time to time, Steve from The Sneeze will talk about Bacon wallets from Archie McPhee. Archie McPhee is this crazy awesome site that sells lots of crazy awesome stuff. (and they create all of it.) When I first saw the bacon wallet some time ago, I thought it was most excellent. At the time I didn't have a need for a new wallet but I decided to keep it in mind. Of course, I didn't do that, and was reminded by Steve's blog. Now I really covet one. It's up to you to decide readers. Which is more awesome: Bacon: the Candy of Meats, or Scantron: The Great Uniter? Poll can be found on the sidebar over there.

Curious.

Dear Kylie:


Wow.

I guess you really showed up me in the 2nd and 3rd grade.





Little late though, don't you think?

-Rex

PS- I wish you could see the rest of that dress on the right. The floral you see as a cropped jacket with poofy short sleeves, over the fitted black top half. The bottom was a huge poofy floral knee length skirt that matched the jacket. I wore this with black ballet flats, if you were wondering.

PPS- Yes, the photo on the left DOES feature Hammer Pants™

Public Humiliation: Operation Hot Sauce

This afternoon, my office manager instant messaged my co-worker. It went something like this:


OM: is Rex in the office today?
CW: yes, she's right here.
OM: does she have a bottle of hot sauce in the kitchen?

CW asks me, I say yes.

OM: did she let Office Jerkhole* use it?

of course, I hadn't.

OM: well it's sitting on the counter in the break room next to his pot of chili.


So - I got involved.

REX: what a jerk. stealing my hot sauce.
OM: totally
OM: do you want me to say something to him>?
REX: who is it?
OM: well, Office Jerkhole made the soup
OM: I don't know who took the sauce, but it is sitting on the counter in the small kitchen by the soup pot
REX: well, i like Office Jerkhole and all, but that's kind of a jerk thing to do
OM: with your name clearly written on it
REX: i don't wanna start any trouble or anything. but if you want you're welcome to say something to the culprit
OM: ok
OM: how full was it?
REX: i'm not sure...not totally full. maybe like 1/4 full
OM: ok, it's at about half right now i would say
OM: i will say something to him for sure


A few minutes later, she came over with the bottle. My name is admittedly gimongus on it, written twice, the entire height and width of the label. She says the conversation went something like this.


OM approaches OJh who is on the phone.

OM, noting the headset: "Are you on the phone?"
OJh: "Yes, I'm doing a demonstration. Do you need something?"
OM: I need to talk to you about this. *Presents bottle of delicious wing sauce, meant for my lips only*
OJh: Oh, that goes back there (indicating the kitchen)
OM, stunned: I know it does.
OJh: I'll talk to you about it later.



Learn your lesson people. Keep your Red Hot Wing Sauce™ far from sales.


*hope I spelled your name right!!1one!

Road Trip!

Just a quick note:

Fire Eagle and I will be headed to Chicago this weekend to see a show of her friend, Nigel Dennis. I highly recommend you check out his work on his web page.

http://www.electricheat.org/

His show will be going on from 7-9 pm this Friday at the Threadless retail store.




Who knows, we may even catch a glimpse of my favorite Threadless designer, Ross Zietz. (Click the picture to check out some designs on his flickr site)

While we're in Chicago, Chi-Town, if you're a douche, we hope to hit up Adobo for some incredible food:

If you've never been, you really should go.

I Am one of the Chosen

This morning I trotted out to start up the Mr's car and grab the mail. I found an interesting looking envelope that was definitely either junk mail or a sign from God. The first thing I saw when I opened it up was a message about how my family had been blessed to receive a "Bible Faith, Church, Prayer Rug". For the next 24 hours.


Wait a minute, I can't even keep this? Weak.



I flipped through the rest of the pages, which had clearly been meant just for me.





I came across what appeared to be the "Prayer Rug" but something spoke to me, saying that I wasn't ready yet. That's when I found this:

So I provided the 57-year-old church with some vital information for Jesus's records. Name, age, address, birth date, social security number, bank accounts....things that Jesus can't obtain on divine intervention alone. Plus, I really needed to see what the prayer rug was all about. It seemed to work for these ladies:

and I bet $46,000 was worth a lot more in the 1970's!

I opened up the prayer and said it aloud. I couldn't wait to get to this rug...it must hold some mystical powers. I was so flattered that they sent it to little old me! I found the instructions for the rug at the bottom.

"Notice the face if Jesus on this Church Prayer Rug. When you first look, you will notice that His eyes are closed. If you relax, and continue looking straight into His eyes, you will see His eyes slowly opening and He will begin looking back at you. Jesus sees your needs. (Philippians 4:19) Use this unusual, important, Church Prayer Rug for tonight only"

Now I knew it had to be real. I'm certain that there's nothing that the son of God loves more than a good optical illusion.

Deviance

Picture this. You're at a favorite bar with you buddies, dancing and pouring liquor down your gullet like it's water. All you want to do is have a good time and get some sweet pictures for your myspace/facebook/crack-like social networking site of your choice. You've thoroughly settled into your liquid sweater when the cameras start breaking out. It's the same story.

You get in a picture with her.

Oh, you can get in too!

No, we like you!

No seriously get in!

Oh COME ON get in the picture!

No I won't put it on the internet.

Now you and him!

Now him pouring his drink on his head!

Now him doing the worm!

Now him doing the worm with no pants on!

It goes on all night.

Then, some asshole jumps in the back with is deviant 'brow, ruining a perfectly good picture.

Perhaps you didn't catch that.

You'd be sure that this was an isolated incident, right? 2 1/2 years later, you've never seen anything like this before or since. Then, last night, you're going through the motions.

You and him!

Him and her!

Her and her!

How do you turn on the flash?

No, you're taking a video now!

No YOU bend over the pool table!

He strikes again.

a closer look:

Something must be done.

Band Names - A Collection of Terrible Ideas

Nice Pit-Stain, Superman (NPSS we'd call it "in piss" for short)

Extra Delicious / Extra Frightening (created while discussing corn dogs with Uncle Whiteshorts)

Naked Time Details (created years ago with Fire Eagle)

The Tim Horton's Explosion (after a Tim Horton's really did explode)

Fighting With These Giant Wontons

if you're interested in using any of them, I can give you my lawyer's information!