Wednesday, March 18, 2009

When Will it End?

Lately, my friends and I have been talking a lot about how great our lives are, and it's true. Most of the people I spend time with are hilarious, kind, creative types who love to drink and dance and see live music. This is what keeps us connected. Most of my friends are not in serious long-term relationships, and most of the ones that are sort of drifted away into domestication while I continued to party in spite of my marital status. We don't have any kids or any dreams of having kids anytime soon. My husband and I love living our lives for ourselves (and each other) right now and just can't imagine what life would be like if we couldn't come and go as we pleased.

A friend of mine sent me a link to a blog today, simply saying "look at this prettiest prego lady ever". We went on and on about how beautiful this girl is and we glanced through the entries, looking at pictures from the blog. This blog is about one man, gorgeous preggo lady's husband, and the birth of his first biological child. I decided to go back to the first entry and read it from the beginning, as I often do with blogs that interest me. I just read this post which I felt summed up things for me right now quite well and I think my friends can appreciate.

Pacing the Panic Room

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Monday, March 16, 2009

How to Stay Classy and Fashionable - in This Economy!

These are real life things, generally fueled by liquor, that my faceless friends and I have been rocking that were both free and fashionable. I'm callin' them Recessiories.

In the way of hats, we've got

The leftover from New Year's Eve top hat. Pictured here in cheapass plastic red.

Glued some bobby pins to the bottom of this tiny bowler, straight off the bottle of fancy gin.

The Chambord Cage Hat is really not recommended to be worn outside the kitchen. It's a little cumbersome and clumsy for partying, I'll admit.
As far as jewelry goes, there's:

While watching a Frank Zappa dvd with my buddy a while ago, I was inspired to make some wearable pasta jewelery. I think that's probably in the top 10 best sentences of this blog, so I won't elaborate. Anyway, I spray painted this pasta wheel for FE and the T-Rex for myself, strung 'em on a little black thread, took it to the dancefloor.

The Chambord Cage Hat was dismantled and turned into, first, this nose ring.
Then into a bracelet. Unfortunately, the effect of alcoholic milkshakes (yeah, I'll give you some recipes later, delicious) made us forget to document the bracelet. I grabbed this from a video of me drunkenly singing the hit N'Sync single "Bye, Bye, Bye". That kinda night. I also lost this on the dance floor at some point.
Onea those Jager girls gave my friend here a lanyard which he promptly tied on his head and started chanting "Rufio! Rufio!" But it's actually sort of adorable, right?

My ladyfriend, pictured here in a drunk sandwich, had a rooftop grill out featuring pipe cleaner headbands with feathers. One of these girls wore the pipe cleaner headband all night at the bar...and for once, it wasn't me. (I thought it was kind of competing with the awesomeness of my Michael Jackson belt buckle, but I digress)

And finally, we've come to my favorite item, the Chambelt™. This is what became of the Chambord cage after being cut apart. I put it on as a joke and ended up walking to the bar with it and wearing it all night, even receiving complements. It has that bonus heavyweight champion vibe, which I really enjoy, while also being classy at a glance but still overall liquor-related.

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Sunday, March 15, 2009

Just a Couple New Band Name Ideas For You

Mardi Gras in Buffalo

Overnight Bunions

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Monday, March 2, 2009

By Request: Diet Tips from RB

Here’s how I’ve been living my life through the end of winter. Funds are getting kind of depleted from a long winter of slow house sales, and things are just now starting to pick up again with the warmth of spring around the corner. I know lots of people are going through some times…I’m no economist, but I know apocalyptic news stories when I see ‘em!

Here are my tried and true methods of surviving the tough times!
First off, don’t pass up any free professional events. I signed up for a professional seminar that was being held by my broker. I had to get up at 8am, which is a total bummer, but there was free pizza and soda for lunch. They got 40 pizzas for about 50 people, so I didn’t feel bad at all when I gorged myself. Somebody had to eat it, right? And stuff like this happens pretty frequently in real estate. Awards banquets, weekly meetings, open houses, they all have at least free coffee but often times all kinds of awesome free food and drink. If you go to one of those super classy open houses in a downtown loft or something they often even have free booze. The only problem with these events, which is why I don’t subscribe to this plan as much as I should, is that you have to actually socialize with co-workers and other agents. Being 25 in the real estate field, that’s about as fun as a Friday afternoon at Bob Evan’s. I think the same goes for most social events like art openings, usually free food and booze but often times the crowd leaves much to be desired. You gotta weigh the good with the bad though!

I find it most economical and novel to eat foods that are either meant as side dishes and/or childhood foods. Stuff like macaroni, tater tots, pizza rolls, and cereal are relatively cheap (so long as you’re buyin’ generic) and remind you of childhood and college in ways that make you all warm and fuzzy inside. Side dishes like rice and mashed potatoes are filling and cheap and provide as much calories as a meal if you eat the whole package. Mashed potatoes can also be more delicious with the addition of cheese and bacon if you happen to come into a windfall. Ramen noodles also get extra tasty if you take the packet it comes with, throw it in the garbage, and add parmesan, garlic, and Italian seasoning. Ayerwelcome. Childhood foods like fruit roll-ups, fruit snacks, cheese and/or peanut butter crackers, often come in small packages which is cool if you commit yourself to only eating one. Completely fun to eat if you’re easily amused, like myself. It all costs less than going to Skyline with everyone else for after-bar food.

I'll just put this one out there; stop smoking so much weed, hippie.

Crackers and water: not just for anorexics anymore. Eating a sleeve of crackers provides that convenient “I ate the whole thing” shame, only about 450 calories (depending on the type) and drinking water with them makes them swell up in your stomach. It’s pretty much perfect. I do it all the time! I’m doing it RIGHT NOW!

Get really involved in some sort of emotional turmoil to the point where you’re just sick over it and can’t eat. Whether it’s a new relationship, a big argument, getting fired, losing a loved one. Whatever it is, wallow and obsess! The pounds shall melt away! This works particularly well after a shame-filled Saturday night.

Stop being such an ungrateful dick and visit your family once in a while. I don’t know about you, but my mom practically force feeds me. The bigger your family is, the more opportunity there is for free food. You’re totally lucky if your parents divorced, in this case.

Acquire an insatiable roommate/boyfriend/girlfriend/couch surfer and never EVER write your name on anything, including leftovers. They will eat your food, which will keep you looking slim, and you might be able to convince them to replace it for something more expensive and delicious, like money in your pocket!

Abstain from working out, playing sports, or anything manual labor-wise. It just burns calories, which means you have to eat again. Don’t be a fool, dude.

If your friends ever ask you to volunteer to do something, do it. Usually they feel guilty enough for making you do something without pay that they will pay you in food and booze. This has worked for me in the way of being designated driver, helping someone shoot a music video (seriously, pizza and beer for dancing in front of a camera? I would have ASKED you to do that.), and theoretically I could have had some pizza and beer for helping friends move but I’m useless when it comes to lifting things. Also, that enters the arena of manual labor.

Lately there have been tons of coupons floating around the internet. I've ended up eating at T.G.I. Friday's and Ruby Tuesday's as a result. There's no shame in buy one get one free.

If you aren’t getting any thinner, start spending your money on other stuff like clothes. That’ll force you to figure this out.

I would add 'take up smoking', but depending on where you live and how fast you take to it, you could probably end up spending more on smokes than on food.

Lastly, THE most important rule to remember, if you forget all of the rest: If you are hungry, drink. I’m not talking about 8 glasses of water. I’m talking about, have a good friend lift you up for a boxed wine stand. Murder a bottle of Andre Champagne, the only ‘champagne’ too classy not to drink straight from the bottle (only $5.99 here!). Or the obvious choice, buy a 12 pack of PBR. It provides the calories and fills you up, and sometimes if you’re lucky there’s bonus vomiting at the end!

*This diet is in no way healthy, and you might die.

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Sunday, March 1, 2009

Tonight I went to a bar I'm constantly going to (tonight makes 3 nights in a row, if that's any indication) and by accident saw this guy Levi Weaver play. I really really enjoyed what I saw of his set and meant it when I said I wish I had cash to buy a cd. He had a credit card machine but OBVIOUSLY that credit card was busy being an open tab at the bar. I looked him up on the internets and came across this adorable video that I wanted to share with you.

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