Thursday, February 28, 2008
Posted by Rex at 8:05 PM
Posted by Rex at 7:50 PM
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
(the corndog air freshner is for Uncle Whiteshorts. I haven't sent him a package in a while. I'll think of something good to toss in there too)
I can't wait to break this out at the mall or something. As awesome as these bacon wallets are, I know I've never seen one in public. Pictures don't really do it justice. It really *does* look like a slab of bacon.
I also have to recommend it - way more pockets than the scantron wallet!
I appologize for the recent lack of updates. I've been a little wrapped up in something new and something lovely and something lucrative. I'll be back soon with stupid stories!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
A few months ago, a new guy started at work. During a meeting, he leaned over and asked my boss if he could borrow...
Lucky for her, she didn't have any at the meeting and didn't have to have that awkward "Do you seriously want to use my chapstick?" moment. Today is Friday and we're all feeling a little slaphappy, so she left him a gift for monday on his desk.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Don't get me wrong, I love a great corndog. Right now I'm mighty fond of the Morningstar Farms fake meat variety. I've also been known to eat a regular corndog or two. I defended the mighty treat when Uncle Whiteshorts voiced his disdain for them. Why, I remember the summer of 2001 eating an incredibly overpriced corndog at Warped Tour and it being one of the most delicious meals of my life.
But today...today the corndog has forever changed in my mind. While walking through the breakfast aisle at my local Kroger, I spotted something.
ON A STICK.
With artificial blueberry flavor??!! How long has this been going on?
Bumper Bowl makes the Best-Worst maps to help me and Fire Eagle find things. A couple weeks ago, I asked him to help me find the post office and he drew this map for me.
(Warning: BB has a filthy mouth)
FE and BB are taking a trip together this summer to Montreal, and she wanted directions. Here's what she got.
(Small print reads: unfortunately she gets pregnant. and then you're fucked. but the plus side is you get to move to montreal but then she leaves you for a much better looking guy, like that arcade fire fuck, and you end up lonely again and you can't speak french)
FE and I are going to New York this summer, so BB was kind enough to show us the way.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
So, you say it's your boss's birthday? Here's a quick guide to how to be sure she's mortified for years to come.
Last week, I was on a friend's podcast talking about nothing in particular. My one of my tattoos came up.
Monday, February 4, 2008
If this car ride is going to take a while, might I recommend a Gigantic Ass Rockstar Energy Drink and some sweet shades? If you're wondering, I made it about 2/3 through the 24 ouncer.
If your GPS won't stay stuck to the windshield, find any hipster-approved device to hold it steady. Here, we're using a Chuck Taylor made of hemp +2 Indie Cred Points.
When you arrive, head straight to the Threadless store. They have computers set up where you can put your face on the mannequins in the window.
Across the street is a tasty Thai restaurant called Sura. These are the the vegetarian dumplings...I can't remember what they were called on the menu. Sura told us at the door it would be a 30 minute wait. We ate at the bar. When a couple came in behind us a minute later, they seated them right away. -2 Indie Cred Points.
After you've fueled up, it's time for a night of dancing at The Darkroom. I'd recommend developing a girlcrush on this young lady. Also, watch out for the serial voyeur who will take you picture and post them on the internet in between checking himself out in the mirror.
I think it was probably engrained in me from childhood to love a good murder mystery. My mom was always reading true crime novels. There were always shows like 48 Hours or Unsolved Mysteries on TV.
Shows have become more and more realistic and gruesome since the 90s, when I was a kid. CSI is happening in 3 different cities, now. And after watching other shows I've realized that CSI is basically a complete fabrication anyway. Why are they doing all of the detective work? I have no idea. Where did they get the shoeprint database? Totally made it up. I'm playing CSI: Hard Evidence for Wii right now. (It may be better known as CSI:Point Your Wii Remote at the TV and Watch This Montage) It's nice that it's easy, though. I become impatient with harder games.
I'm not sure which came first, the murder mystery or the uniforms, but somewhere along the way I've taken a liking to uniforms. See: completely normal looking nice dude from Tennessee, Derrick Pendergrass, when in uniform he transforms to Super Foxx. I remember telling Fire Eagle once that walking through the airport is a strange experience. I find myself thinking "What the hell is up with all of these hot dudes? How could there possibly be this much of a concentration of hot dudes in one place?" They're called pilots. Otherwise known as regular dudes in awesome uniforms.
At work we've got this guy who's a consultant. He has dirty blonde hair in a vaguely 80s style and glasses that clearly haven't been replaced since the Regan administration. He likes to wear those knock-off Coogi sweaters and tight pleated khakis. We, the geniuses of data entry, call him Coogi Dahmer. Interesting though, that Jeffrey Dahmer is recognizable enough that we'd nickname a guy after a serial killer with a swell fashion sense. If, for some reason, you don't remember him here's a pretty good representation of how both Jeff and The Cooge look from The Smoking Gun.
It's all fun and games until one starts watching a show like The First 48. It's a true crime detective show that follows detectives as they work a case and bust bad guys. It has really given me a feel for how people commit murder, why, and how they can get away with it. I find myself in bed with the Mr. late at night discussing how we could commit the perfect murder.
"You'd have to burn the guy to get rid of the most evidence."
"But wouldn't the fire get a lot of attention? You have to do something more subtle."
"Well, how are we killing the guy anyway?"
"We need to figure out, first, who we want to kill and why."
"We could probably kill a homeless person pretty easily"
I'm not sure if this shift in more realistic crime shows is really great for anyone's psyche when I, a person who has no reason to murder someone, is musing about the pefect crime. (just in case)