Thursday, March 20, 2008

Missed Connection: Cross Your Fingers

Another possibility in my long-sought search for anonymous admiration.

Last night I was sitting at a table of friends at karaoke, drinking and eating and just minding my own. When a guy in a trench coat (!) with a ponytail (!!) in public (not a d&d convention !!!) (did not appear to be carrying a large firearm!!!!) takes notice of me.

He gives me one of those awkward grandiose nerdboy points, riiiight at me, and says "Would YOU like to sing this with me?" I laugh and ask what he's singing. He says "James Brown!". I ask what song. I can't remember what he said then. Whatever he said, I was going to say I didn't know the song....but I really didn't. He sauntered over to the mic and sang the song alone, not seeming terribly defeated.

He was seated on the other side of the bar the rest of the evening, so he didn't see me leave.

That was kind of mysterious of me, right? Right?

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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A Review of Frightened Rabbit

A: So which 3 songs are the trifecta of Frightened Rabbit awesome?
B: Head Rolls Off > My Backwards Walk > Keep Yourself Warm
A: Ok. First listen. HERE I GO
B: Thoughts so far?
A: Person B. Holy shit. Frightened Rabbit just had make-up sex with my ears.
B: BAHAHAHAHA I know. They are fucking amazing me right now.
A: It's like all sorts of awesome and painful and confusing and like amazing. Make up sex!
B: OMG exactly!
A: You win! I don't know what, but you just totally owned something! I seriously didn't do anything during those three songs. I turned up the volume and sat here. I probably would have totally dismissed it the first time if I didin't really really listen
B: Yeah, I know what you mean. They need to settle.
A: Person C told me that she was just kind of like 'whatever' the first time, so I tried to prevent that. I'm a little afraid of listen 2 now - I might asplode!
B: This whole album is really fucking good.

So, if you're so inclined, perhaps you should check them out.

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22 More Days

I put my notice in at my job, and I have 22 days and some change left. I've worked here for almost 2 years. I have nice co-workers who mostly keep to themselves, a boss who lets us work independently, I can make my own hours, I get paid more than I'm worth, and work is slow-paced and I have a lot of time for screwing around. All I have to do is sit here at the computer, answer a few emails, convert a few files, and hang out.

Am I a fool?

I hope not.

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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Missed Connection Missed Opportunity

As you may have read in earlier posts, 2008 is going to be the year that someone posts a legitimate missed connection about me. I can feel it! I've also set this goal for myself...and I don't like to leave things unfinished.

Two nights ago I had the perfect opportunity to leave things lingering and totally choked. I'm really bad at being mysterious when it comes to random undesirables hitting on me out of nowhere.

As I do on most Sundays, as of late, I was spending time with a small group of friends at a very low key bar. There were probably only 15 patrons total in the main bar area. I approached the bartender and ordered a PBR and a vodka tonic. (big girl drink for me, PBR for my friend who was djing and could not get to the bar himself) The guy sitting at the bar next to where I placed my order strikes up (awkward) conversation with me.

Guy: Vodka tonic, huh?
Me: Yep!
Guy: My name is Guy*, by the way.
Me: My name is Rex.

I shook his hand because he offered it. It was awkward. How can you say "by the way" when you weren't actually already in conversation?

Guy: So who are you here with?
Me: That group of people over there. (as I gesture to the other part of the bar)

At this point, the short wait for my drink has become painful. My drink comes and Guy is drunkenly (at least I hope he was drunk) trying to ask me something. I'm unsure of what he's saying and I squeeze my lime and ask him what he's talking about.

Guy: I was just going to ask you why you were here alone.
Me: I'm not....I'm here with all of those people....

He turned to his friend for a moment and I took it as an opportunity to get out. No goodbye, no nice to meet you, no 'look me up on craigslist sometime'. Eff!

*actually it was Jason.

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Thursday, March 13, 2008

Men's Branding

Fire Eagle: i'm drinking Tiger Woods-branded Gato aid
FE: it's pretty good
FE: limey
Rex: it a Tiger Woods flavor? or is he just generally promoting gatorade?
FE: it's called T/GER....but imagine the / is a lightning bolt
Rex: OoOoO
Rex: i like roarin' lime better.
FE: me too

a few minutes later

FE: oh i just noticed the TWG™ is called "cool fusion™" not "Roarin' LIME"
Rex: wow. it's like they took all the stupidy dude-y words they use to describe products geared towards men with regards to sports drinks, shaving cream, and deodorant, put them in a bag and picked out two.
Rex: it could have just has easily been called WAVE RUSH
FE: lollll
FE: omg you should work in branding
FE: see what you could get away with
Rex: summer? i'm rethinking that
Rex: oh NICE
Rex: +10 for use of xtreme with no e
FE: thx!
Rex: i particularly like 'wave'.
FE: indeed

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Scenester Bingo

For quite some time, there's been a version of 'Hipster Bingo' floating around the intertubes. When I first saw it, I made 3 Cincinnati-specific 'Scene It?' bingo cards. (Stemming from the times when Fire Eagle and I pretend to be pretentious and talk about how we've already seen everything there is to see. For example: normal person asks: "Did you get a chance to see The Changes when they were in town?" scnester responds: "Oh yeah, I've sceeeeene them a million times now.")

For your bingo playing pleasure, here's the best of the two cards mashed together to be most universal.

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Ghost Seeks Beer

A few years ago, at my previous job working for an architect, I came across something odd in a picture. I was doing some CAD drawings and using photographs for reference. The building I was drawing is a run-down brewery downtown which my old boss purchased.

I saw something strange in the photo.

Here's a closer look.

I showed it to my co-worker. I convinced him that I did not Photoshop it, which is the truth. He thought it was strange too and tended to believe that whatever it was, it was definitely part of the picture. (Not a Photoshop or some sort of anomaly in the film)

The bossman took a look at it and didn't seem phased. At first he thought it was just the shadow of someone, but I showed him how that wasn't really possible from the poisition of the shadow. He didn't speculate on a Photoshop theory, but essentially shrugged his shoulders.

Fellow frequent Photoshoppers I've shown this to tend to think that it is some sort of manipulation. I won't offer any opinion on the matter, just the facts. I found the photo this way, I did not manipulate it, and no one that I worked with at the time had manipulated it or knew anything about it, including bossman. The photo was a couple years old, however, and folks had come and gone from the firm. A previous worker could have easily done this.

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Unintentionally Dirty Internt Happy Hour

screencapture from

Well. That's gross.

This is from a pop-up that kept coming up trying to make me enter into some lottery.

But, you know, that's what she said!

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Saturday, March 8, 2008

SXSW 2008

If you're interested, a couple of my friends are heading to the event and are blogeriffic about it.

Although no-one has actually made it there yet !

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My Snow Day

This morning I woke up to approximately 69 more inches of snow than had fallen during the day yesterday. Coming to a grand total of A Freakin' Lot".

I half-assedly started taking some documentative pictures. That's right, documentative.

Driveway and stuff through the window. Realizing that the Mr. has apparently stopped shoveling and made an escape.

Here comes some douche in a truck...

I opened up the back door to take the obligatory Table Covered In Snow picture. I tried to usher out the dogs.

This one's like "Um. No. Seriously no." (Hi dried up snow and salt on the wood floors!)

I felt for this one...he might get lost out there. Note: Backing his ears in dismay.

This one would rather bring out ALL of her toys then look at me sheepishly, as if she didn't mean it.

Well, screw this. I'm sweat pantsin' and robin' it all day.

Ah, the Mr. has returned with food, juuuuuust in time.

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Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Story I've Never Told Until Now

I'm really not a person who likes attention. Sometimes, I invent things that become main stream and I just let it slide. People can claim that it was groupthink, or whatever they like, but I've created a lot of things that are now mainstream that are not attributed to any one creator. I don't mind staying out of the spotlight. One thing really burns my brownies, though.

Growing up, I had this amazing little dog - Bobby. He was a inbred chihuahua with a head so big it nearly drug the floor when he walked. He had this quirky thing...when he ran and tried to hold up the huge melon, it would bounce up and down. People would always comment on it.

Bobby loved to ride on my dashboard. He wanted to see out the windows, but would grow so tired that his head would fall....he'd raise it up to see...he's start to fall back asleep. It kept repeating.

Bobby lived a long life, but perished in my youth. I wanted to immortalize him in some way. I created a plastic mold of Bobby and separated the head from the body with a spring. I put "Little Bobby" on my dashboard, just where the real thing used to sit when I drove.

My best friend, at the time, would always comment how I should sell them commercially. She thought that they had universal appeal. I tried to explain that Bobby was one-of-a-kind and no one would want a plastic dog with a weak neck.

Before I knew it, she had a patent for "Bobble Heads", a true bastardization of my dog's name. It started with Chihuahuas, but it has grown into baseball players, Sea Monkeys, Pee-wee Herman, Ozzy Osbourne...basically anything with a head.

I don't want your sympathy. I wish no ill-will of my old friend who stole my meager invention. All I really want is my dog back. Because I can't have him back, in the memory of Bobby Burner, I implore you, please boycott these versions of the original. If you must, only buy the light brown chihuahuas in Bobby's memory.*


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Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Last Day to Register to Vote

....and I made it!

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Monday, March 3, 2008

Rollerbladers in the Office Parking Lot

Rex: the most amazing thing ever just happend.
Rex: there are these boys rollerblading in our parking lot, right next to my car.
Rex: i gave sharon my alarm key so she could set it off when they got near the car to fuck with them. which she did. then popped the trunk.
Rex: and i had to take the walk of shame outside to shut it.
Rex: embarassing but hilarious
Bumper Bowl: hehehe that's great
Rex: it was especially funny that this whole side of the building was watching it go down.
B. B. : did the rollerbladers say anything to you?
B. B. : were they catcalling at you?!?!
Rex: i heard them talking but they didn't say anything directly to me. when i came back in my co-workers said they were saying something but they didn't say what.
Rex: PF i wish!
Rex: i covet a good cat-call
Rex: i'm hearing now that, apparently, one of the boys said "shake your booty" to me while i was out there.
B. B. : AWWW and you missed that opportunity!?!!?
Rex: i know :(
Rex: you know i can't resist shaking it for teenagers. :(
B. B. : that's probably the weirdest thing you've ever said to me
Rex: why do you always have to make me feel bad for the things i can't change?


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Saturday, March 1, 2008

Revisiting Childhood Through a Movie

This afternoon I came home from a few hours of shopping (I know, I know, pity me and my new flat iron) to plop down on the couch and rest my feet. I idly started painting my nails and turned on the tv for some noise. I stumbled onto a movie channel and Dirty Dancing was just beginning.

This was one of my favorite movies from childhood. It was easy for me to put myself in Baby's position. While my dad wasn't a doctor, I got pretty much everything I wanted and was quite sheltered. (I mean, I recently discovered that some kids got those awful fruit 'Huggie' things while I had delicious Ecto-Coolers) I longed for some bad boy with tight jeans and a flowy mullet to take a liking to me and teach me The Lambada: Forbidden Dance of Love. I've always loved dancing, for as long as I can remember, and I always wished I knew how to do these dances and had a partner, other than my dog, to do them with. I was pretty sure that this would happen during one of the 2 summers I went to camp for a week.

I didn't expect many surprises...even though the last time I saw the movie I was probably 10 years old. (Right at that age where I started to realize that these sweaty kids were getting DOWN and that maybe I shouldn't be watching this with my mom sitting next to me on the couch) I couldn't really remember the plot...just that for some reason Johnny has to teach Baby how to dance and they totally fall in love.

But in case you were thinking about revisiting it yourself and haven't seen it a while, I'll sum up my recent observations.

-This movie is soooo contrived.
-Apparently this is set in the 60's...but...80's style.
-Was there always this much dry-humping?
-What exactly happened with that girls abortion that made her sweaty, again?
-Why is everyone in this movie in their 30's? Aren't they supposed to be teenagers?
-Do Baby and Johnny ever actually talk...or do they just fall in love dancing?
-People are ALWAYS gazing at each other uncomfortably long in this movie.
-Did I seriously think Patrick Swayze was hot?
-How is it possible that I practically want to cry at the end when they do the lift, still?

I highly recommend revisiting it.

In a somewhat related note, did I ever tell you that Bumper Bowl was in a movie with Patrick Swayze? I swear. He played his step-son.

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