A Guide to Chicago Tourists: 1 Day in The City

If this car ride is going to take a while, might I recommend a Gigantic Ass Rockstar Energy Drink and some sweet shades? If you're wondering, I made it about 2/3 through the 24 ouncer.


If your GPS won't stay stuck to the windshield, find any hipster-approved device to hold it steady. Here, we're using a Chuck Taylor made of hemp +2 Indie Cred Points.

When you arrive, head straight to the Threadless store. They have computers set up where you can put your face on the mannequins in the window.

Across the street is a tasty Thai restaurant called Sura. These are the the vegetarian dumplings...I can't remember what they were called on the menu. Sura told us at the door it would be a 30 minute wait. We ate at the bar. When a couple came in behind us a minute later, they seated them right away. -2 Indie Cred Points.

After you've fueled up, it's time for a night of dancing at The Darkroom. I'd recommend developing a girlcrush on this young lady. Also, watch out for the serial voyeur who will take you picture and post them on the internet in between checking himself out in the mirror.

At the end of the night, write something completely illegible on your wrist area. In the morning, try to figure out what you were trying to tell yourself. Fire Eagle still doesn't know.

If you're looking to document day 2, my final recommendation is charging your camera.

Thoughts about Murderin' and TV

I think it was probably engrained in me from childhood to love a good murder mystery. My mom was always reading true crime novels. There were always shows like 48 Hours or Unsolved Mysteries on TV.

Shows have become more and more realistic and gruesome since the 90s, when I was a kid. CSI is happening in 3 different cities, now. And after watching other shows I've realized that CSI is basically a complete fabrication anyway. Why are they doing all of the detective work? I have no idea. Where did they get the shoeprint database? Totally made it up. I'm playing CSI: Hard Evidence for Wii right now. (It may be better known as CSI:Point Your Wii Remote at the TV and Watch This Montage) It's nice that it's easy, though. I become impatient with harder games.

I'm not sure which came first, the murder mystery or the uniforms, but somewhere along the way I've taken a liking to uniforms. See: completely normal looking nice dude from Tennessee, Derrick Pendergrass, when in uniform he transforms to Super Foxx. I remember telling Fire Eagle once that walking through the airport is a strange experience. I find myself thinking "What the hell is up with all of these hot dudes? How could there possibly be this much of a concentration of hot dudes in one place?" They're called pilots. Otherwise known as regular dudes in awesome uniforms.

At work we've got this guy who's a consultant. He has dirty blonde hair in a vaguely 80s style and glasses that clearly haven't been replaced since the Regan administration. He likes to wear those knock-off Coogi sweaters and tight pleated khakis. We, the geniuses of data entry, call him Coogi Dahmer. Interesting though, that Jeffrey Dahmer is recognizable enough that we'd nickname a guy after a serial killer with a swell fashion sense. If, for some reason, you don't remember him here's a pretty good representation of how both Jeff and The Cooge look from The Smoking Gun.





It's all fun and games until one starts watching a show like The First 48. It's a true crime detective show that follows detectives as they work a case and bust bad guys. It has really given me a feel for how people commit murder, why, and how they can get away with it. I find myself in bed with the Mr. late at night discussing how we could commit the perfect murder.



"You'd have to burn the guy to get rid of the most evidence."

"But wouldn't the fire get a lot of attention? You have to do something more subtle."

"Well, how are we killing the guy anyway?"

"We need to figure out, first, who we want to kill and why."

"We could probably kill a homeless person pretty easily"



I'm not sure if this shift in more realistic crime shows is really great for anyone's psyche when I, a person who has no reason to murder someone, is musing about the pefect crime. (just in case)

The Bacon Gods are Speaking to Me

I saw this on Woot! today - The Bacon Cheese Baconburger. I think it may be a sign.

Battle!

I've had this Scantron wallet for a while.

I bought it in a boutique in Chicago, called Penelope's, a couple of years ago. It has served me well and is still in great shape. It's a conversation starter. People seem to like to reminisce about their old school days and test-taking.

Not too long ago, my friend Bumper Bowl told me about The Sneeze. It's one of those blogs that I'd read a bunch of entries from. They'd been linked on one of my daily blog checks or Digg or something but I'd never explored the rest of the blog until recently. (If you're a first timer, might I recommend "How To Draw a Face"?) From time to time, Steve from The Sneeze will talk about Bacon wallets from Archie McPhee. Archie McPhee is this crazy awesome site that sells lots of crazy awesome stuff. (and they create all of it.) When I first saw the bacon wallet some time ago, I thought it was most excellent. At the time I didn't have a need for a new wallet but I decided to keep it in mind. Of course, I didn't do that, and was reminded by Steve's blog. Now I really covet one. It's up to you to decide readers. Which is more awesome: Bacon: the Candy of Meats, or Scantron: The Great Uniter? Poll can be found on the sidebar over there.

Curious.

Dear Kylie:


Wow.

I guess you really showed up me in the 2nd and 3rd grade.





Little late though, don't you think?

-Rex

PS- I wish you could see the rest of that dress on the right. The floral you see as a cropped jacket with poofy short sleeves, over the fitted black top half. The bottom was a huge poofy floral knee length skirt that matched the jacket. I wore this with black ballet flats, if you were wondering.

PPS- Yes, the photo on the left DOES feature Hammer Pants™

Public Humiliation: Operation Hot Sauce

This afternoon, my office manager instant messaged my co-worker. It went something like this:


OM: is Rex in the office today?
CW: yes, she's right here.
OM: does she have a bottle of hot sauce in the kitchen?

CW asks me, I say yes.

OM: did she let Office Jerkhole* use it?

of course, I hadn't.

OM: well it's sitting on the counter in the break room next to his pot of chili.


So - I got involved.

REX: what a jerk. stealing my hot sauce.
OM: totally
OM: do you want me to say something to him>?
REX: who is it?
OM: well, Office Jerkhole made the soup
OM: I don't know who took the sauce, but it is sitting on the counter in the small kitchen by the soup pot
REX: well, i like Office Jerkhole and all, but that's kind of a jerk thing to do
OM: with your name clearly written on it
REX: i don't wanna start any trouble or anything. but if you want you're welcome to say something to the culprit
OM: ok
OM: how full was it?
REX: i'm not sure...not totally full. maybe like 1/4 full
OM: ok, it's at about half right now i would say
OM: i will say something to him for sure


A few minutes later, she came over with the bottle. My name is admittedly gimongus on it, written twice, the entire height and width of the label. She says the conversation went something like this.


OM approaches OJh who is on the phone.

OM, noting the headset: "Are you on the phone?"
OJh: "Yes, I'm doing a demonstration. Do you need something?"
OM: I need to talk to you about this. *Presents bottle of delicious wing sauce, meant for my lips only*
OJh: Oh, that goes back there (indicating the kitchen)
OM, stunned: I know it does.
OJh: I'll talk to you about it later.



Learn your lesson people. Keep your Red Hot Wing Sauce™ far from sales.


*hope I spelled your name right!!1one!

Road Trip!

Just a quick note:

Fire Eagle and I will be headed to Chicago this weekend to see a show of her friend, Nigel Dennis. I highly recommend you check out his work on his web page.

http://www.electricheat.org/

His show will be going on from 7-9 pm this Friday at the Threadless retail store.




Who knows, we may even catch a glimpse of my favorite Threadless designer, Ross Zietz. (Click the picture to check out some designs on his flickr site)

While we're in Chicago, Chi-Town, if you're a douche, we hope to hit up Adobo for some incredible food:

If you've never been, you really should go.