Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Rules of Hipsterdom Part 1

Don’t be held down by other’s conventions of time, space, and blogging. If you want to blog once in the year of 2009 then blog 3 times every day in the last month of the year to make up for the rest of it, go for it. When writing, for example, a guide to hipsterdom, don’t worry about how many points you make or if you include everything. Write stuff as it comes to you, keep it ongoing, and you can change your mind. Clearly that’s the approach I’ve taken here. Sort of…let’s call it ¾-assed. So, in no particular order.

Wear unflattering glasses. Not the kind you had when you were a kid in elementary school and they had gold frames and just looked dumpy, but something SUPREMELY unflattering. Outrageously unflattering. Almost comical.

Even if you don't actually need prescription glasses, they make them with clear lenses. If you're really committed to the cause.

Embrace novelty pants. You don’t necessarily have to wear them, although you get more points if you do. But complement other’s novelty pants and tell them you wish you had the balls to wear them. Novelty pants include, but are not limited to, colored jeans, stonewashed, animal print, and anything that makes you go “Whoooa…those are actually sort of awesome”.

Never ever wear stuff like this, though. You just can't wear it ironically because it’s too true to be ironic. But definitely laugh at it amongst peers.

You can never ever admit to being a hipster, and if you're doing it right you probably don't want to. So even as you read this and identify with it, you still have to think “Yeah, but I’m not a hipster. I mean, I really like The Killers! No hipster loves The Killers!” …don’t they?

Love, unconditionally, just about everything Obama does. Talk about it occasionally on Twitter or Facebook or Tumblr or something.

This fantastic shirt available at http://chrisbishop.com/obama/ and I totally want one.

Drinking 40s will always be ironic and timelessly hilarious. Though some will tell you that PBR is the official brand of hipsters, when it comes to 40s, they’re all amazing.

You can always wear a white belt, chuck taylors, and bandannas even though the ‘normal kids’ are doing it, as long as you scoff at them while they’re doing it. (Silently or overtly, it only matters what’s in your heart)

When choosing between the options “why the hell not?” and “that would be weird” always chose “why the hell not”.

For example, rollerskating in full costume.

Do not ever type or say ‘huzzah!’. Ew.

If you don’t have your own band, at least be friends with a bunch of local indie bands. It’s the least you can do.

Perhaps there will be more to come later!

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