Monday, January 28, 2008

I Am one of the Chosen

This morning I trotted out to start up the Mr's car and grab the mail. I found an interesting looking envelope that was definitely either junk mail or a sign from God. The first thing I saw when I opened it up was a message about how my family had been blessed to receive a "Bible Faith, Church, Prayer Rug". For the next 24 hours.


Wait a minute, I can't even keep this? Weak.



I flipped through the rest of the pages, which had clearly been meant just for me.





I came across what appeared to be the "Prayer Rug" but something spoke to me, saying that I wasn't ready yet. That's when I found this:




So I provided the 57-year-old church with some vital information for Jesus's records. Name, age, address, birth date, social security number, bank accounts....things that Jesus can't obtain on divine intervention alone. Plus, I really needed to see what the prayer rug was all about. It seemed to work for these ladies:


and I bet $46,000 was worth a lot more in the 1970's!

I opened up the prayer and said it aloud. I couldn't wait to get to this rug...it must hold some mystical powers. I was so flattered that they sent it to little old me! I found the instructions for the rug at the bottom.

"Notice the face if Jesus on this Church Prayer Rug. When you first look, you will notice that His eyes are closed. If you relax, and continue looking straight into His eyes, you will see His eyes slowly opening and He will begin looking back at you. Jesus sees your needs. (Philippians 4:19) Use this unusual, important, Church Prayer Rug for tonight only"

Now I knew it had to be real. I'm certain that there's nothing that the son of God loves more than a good optical illusion.

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2 comments:

Bumper Bowl said...

omg omg omg OMG

can i have some of the money?!?! pleeeeeease?!!1!

do you think this is the same church that created the creation museum? they both seem rather, hmm, what's the word i'm looking for, retarded.

FIRE EAGLE said...

BB doesn't know what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks he's talking about. The Creation Museum was AWESOME, in that THE-LORD-IS-AWESOME sort of way.

Plus you know how much I adore animatronic dinosaurs. As does Jesus.

 

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